Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Superextraordinarisimo

Happy January. The lemons have been exorcised of their bitterness and no amount of post yuletide misery or blacklisting is going to put the blockers on this year being absolutely the same as the last. 2009 a great year for wine! In homage to 2009 being the year where most of my generation are or turn 22, here are a few useless facts about the number to preoccupy your mind with for a nano second or two!

22

= 2 x 11

= 1 + 4 + 7 + 10
= 4 + 5 + 6 + 7

The distance between the wickets on a cricket pitch is 22 yards or one chain. There are many old imperial units of distance like the chain that are only rarely used today.

Snooker is played with 22 balls: a white cue ball, a yellow, a brown, a green, a blue, a pink, a black and fifteen reds.

There are 22 players on the field in a football match.

There are 22 different ways of linking five hexagons together (pentahexes).

Superextraordinarisimo with 22 letters is the longest word in the Spanish language. It means `extraordinary'.

Bingo calls for 22 include `Dinkie Doos' and `Two little ducks'.

Of course this is none of my own research and you can find all these great facts, figures and more at http://www.richardphillips.org.uk/ Quite clearly this page will fill hours of endless boredom for men, women, children and stoners. Lots of bizarre and seemingly useless/ful information to browse through is so often perfect antidote to productivity.

Beautiful stuffs and I hope you enjoy it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Reality never lives up to expectation!

For those of us messed up little cretins who have spent the past 12 months in either a state of debauched drunkenness or horrific hungoverness, the New Year will be welcomed. Not because we will be revelling it up on some overpriced themed night down in the depths of nowhere but because the bloody year will be OVER! Thank God and thank Christ (considering it is his birthday month) that we can finally consign 2008 to the memory bank dustbin.

"Whooo hooooooo" will echo from the rooftops.

"Thank God it's over! Screw you 2008... You were rubbish anyway!"

But of course we will start 2009 with the same silly naivety that we began this very year with. Hopes and dreams and expectations that will blow up in our stupid little faces by the following December. Things will happen and people will let you down in ways you can't imagine right now.
Where you stand at midnight this year will be a thousand miles away from where you'll be standing next year. Reality never ever lives up to expectation, so it's best to expect nothing... except the worst if you really can't contain yourself! Don't bother planning for the New Year as it will all most probably go to shite anyway. Go with the flow... the sewage flow. It really won't make a difference. Planning always leads to catastrophe but spontaneity saves the day! You don't have to rejoice in the uncertainty, but to avoid disappointment book early for a place in the Disillusioned Drag race. You'll be glad of it next December when the let down's not as big and you'll probably want to thank me.


On a lighter note, let's enjoy the last 29 days of this year. In the same way we've enjoy the previous 334... I'll see you in the pub.

Have a fun day guys!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Eat shit and die!

"It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die." -Hunter S Thompson

So everyone has there bad days. The days where you believe the world and it's grandmother are working against you in some terribly morbid black comedy. The days you realise your drowning and not swimming in the very cesspit you have created for yourself...

but then you realise that there's always some other poor fucker much worse off then yourself playing the tin whistle on Grafton St in a sad deluded state, and that your misery is just a load of garbage brought on by the pressures of the ridiculous world one inhabits.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Buddihism, Reiki and Call centres


Earlier today a tense and manic friend contacted me in a state of rage. Having managed to snare a job in the midst of a recession the bitter lemon might have thought himself lucky!

No. He didn't.

But then who can blame him? Call centres have never been at the forefront of contentness. If you want soul destroying depression, yes by all means be that chirpy, exaceberated customer service martyr.

Job satisfaction? No.

In an attempt to help him find some solace in his new post I thought I would pass on a Reiki mantra. Something for him to chant at his desk... while he thought of ways to blow up his office and end his boss.


Just for today do not worry... Just for today do not anger... Honour your parents, teachers and elders. Earn your living honestly. Show gratitude to every living thing.

His reply: Ha ha. Shove it up your bum you hippy, Buddha bashing, veggie gobbling freak! Buddha and his teachings freak me out. What a hypocrite! It would be easy to put that excrement into practice if you were a fat c*** who sat under a tree in a forest stoned out of your tits all day. But for Joe Soap on the street, who grew up in the lazy false sense of security that was the Celtic Tiger, who welcomed with open arms the less fortunate of Europe and said 'hey there's a piece of the pie for you all, just take some!"- Well what happened Zem, is they ate all the pie because they were hungry. We were fat and bloated, we weren't hungry anymore and now we toggle in salt mines (call centres)!

???

So the lesson for today kids is...

Don't confuse Buddhism with Reiki!!!




Friday, October 24, 2008

Apparently...........


All journalists are fond of the drink.

"Reality is an illusion that occurs through lack of alcohol!"

Monday, October 20, 2008

Being poor!

Are your debts getting on top of you? Are you struggling to make ends meet? Yes. Well then your probably a student.

Coping with a cash shortage is nothing new to college student. Especially us living in the "rip-off republic"-the craic is an expensive habit.

We all desire the best, but there's something to be said for the great feeling that comes with cutting corners. Pre-drinking before the pub, buying your clothes in Penney's, food shopping in Lidl, scabbing off your friends... (kidding)! These all give you that beautiful bargain feeling.

A students frugality is often underestimated. In fact students make up some of the world's great economists! They are able to cut corners in ways that most post grads often forget. I know one student who was willing to have her buttock's marked with two small cuts in medical trials for scar cream. The fee was able to sustain her alcohol consumption for a whole month! Isn't that super?!

So lets not worry about the current credit crunch, lets embrace it.

Like a first year.

Monday, October 13, 2008

My first entry (from the rear ha ha!)

Welcome to this blog. I say 'this blog' because I truly want to keep my distance from the word 'my blog'. Having my name so closely attached to any piece of writing is a step I'm not that willing to take at the moment. This is not an attempt to rant and rave like a narcissistic twat but purely for academic purposes (journalism demands it!).

Figuring out what to base a blog on was quite the bamboozling task in itself! After conversing it over drinks in the pub (which led me no closer to my first topic) it sprang upon me that nearly every conversation had while there was based around sexual deviancy! One conversation in particular about a certain persons peculiar obsession with doing it up the... led me to my first idea "The history and obsession with anal sex!” - A non sordid discussion on a gay old past time. So I set about doing some research on the net, convinced that I could discuss it in a mature and informative fashion! So far so good, until I came across such words as 'bottom stimulation' and 'anallingus ' with such instructive descriptions that I really could no longer continue with my investigations. It was way too much for me and has reinforced my opinion that ignorance really is bliss!!!

I think I’ll leave those sorts of topics to the less prudish! I’m off to say some prayers!